Daughter of Eve, Believe
by SubOrbital
Summary: This is my one shot version of Susan's life post The Last Battle. I never did like the way her character was discarded and this is what I would hope might have happened to her after her family died. Please read and review.


**DAUGHTER OF EVE**

DISCLAIMER: I do not own these characters.  
SUMMARY: This is a one shot Susan fic post 'The Last Battle'. I always hated the ending for the last battle, and this is what I think could have happened to Susan after her family died. Please read and review.  
WARNINGS: None.  
PAIRINGS: None.

_**LIVING IS DEATH**_

Susan Pevensie died the day she found out her beloved family had been killed. Her brother, Peter, always watchful and noble. Edmund, so mischievous and yet so just. And Lucy, still so innocent. The part of Susan that loved her family was bitter and angry. Angry at someone she had forgotten. Someone whose name slipped her mind now when she tried to think of him.

Why had she been left to live when her beautiful family had been taken from her? She buried a part of herself with them. She buried the child in her. She buried the mother in her. She buried the sister in her. And for a long time, she buried joy as well. All that remained was a bitter shell that sought distraction in the drudgery of every day life.

Her grief was silent, but absolute. She felt somehow she'd failed her family. She felt somehow she was being punished by being left to live without them. And so she closed her heart to all and many who crossed her path. She turned to her studies, she turned to her career, and she turned even further away from the past.

Days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. Months into years. She would sometimes forget about her family, and those were good times. It was when she remembered them that she felt the grief would return to haunt her. She moved to New York and began working as a legal secretary. Life was busy and vibrant. She was successful and to all who knew her, she seemed happy. She was courted by many, but taken by none. Susan the gentle they called her. For she had a way with everyone she met, even those whose advances she rejected.

"Susan, I can provide you with everything you want. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met in my life. Please accept my proposal."

Susan felt a rush of adrenaline as she stood before her suitor, a colleague from work, who had seen fit to bring her to the zoo. He was nice enough, and Susan enjoyed his company. Something inside her always held her back from making a commitment to any man who expressed interest in her. She didn't feel old enough for some reason. She still felt like a child. And something would always give her a reason to run away. Today that reason was something that seemed strangely familiar. A caged lion that caught her attention. He looked at her as if he knew her. A lion with eyes that were sad and sympathetic. Why was it looking at her that way?

"I am grateful for your proposal." Susan said with a gracious smile, "But I cannot accept it. I'm sorry, I must leave this place. It isn't at all enticing for me."

And so she ran, more from that strange lion than her suitor. She ran as fast as her legs would carry her, till she reached the busy streets outside the zoo. She made a mental note to call the zoo and have them do something with that lion, for it seemed to her to be awfully unhappy. Perhaps they were not feeding it. But why did it seem familiar? And why did it make her feel both angry and incredibly sad at once? And why … why did it make her think of her family? Her lost family.

It was then that she looked up to see Peter, looking just the way he did the last time she ever saw him. He stood across the street, smiling reassuringly and waving at her to go to him. And in front of a dozen strangers, she burst into tears and ran after him, but it was useless. He wasn't there at all. How could she have been so stupid to think he might have been? It simply wasn't logical.

And now she found herself standing in front of a church. She looked up at it's heavy wooden doors and let out a look of disdain. Anger filled her again for reasons she did not understand. She wiped her tears as strangers came to see what was wrong, and she thought of Peter. And the more she thought of him, the more she ached inside. The more she thought of him, the more her tears would return and she would think of her family.

**_LIVING IS HOPE_**

Years continued to pass by and Susan still did not marry, even though she was now well into her thirties. However, her career had changed a great deal. She had left the legal profession and instead turned to teaching. She found the presence of children comforting to her. Their vivid imaginations were inspiring and completely contradictory to her own straight and steady thought processes. But oh how she longed to be one of them again.

"Who can tell me where the myths of the old centaur originated? Which culture first inspired it's legend?" Susan asked, as she paced back and forth before her class.

"I met one! I met one!" Called out one of Susan's more creative young students.

"Tell me, Angela. How could you have possibly met a centaur?" Susan smiled, "They don't exist."

"Yes they do. I met one and we played in the forest and everything. It was so grand."

"You have an active imagination, Angela. Something all children should have. But you must learn to distinguish what is real, from what is just your imagination." Susan said in her all knowing teacher tone, "This is real. This classroom. You can touch it. You can see it. And so can everyone else. Logically, how can a centaur be real? Has anyone else ever seen you centaur?"

"Miss Pevensie, why aren't you married?" One of her students asked innocently.

Susan was taken by surprise at the unexpected question. She handled it the same way she handled everything else; with gentle care.

"Well … I suppose I haven't met the right suitor."

"Don't you want children? My mommy said that's all she ever wanted. And she says that children are supposed to imagine things like centaurs and Santa Claus, otherwise we wouldn't be children. Maybe you should have some."

"I had children … two of …" Susan began to say before she realized her mistake, "No … that's a mistake. I didn't have children. I had a younger brother and sister who … I treated very much like they were my children."

"Where are they?"

The innocent question hit Susan like the train that killed her brothers and her sister. She forced a smile as her eyes began to water.

"Why don't we all take a break? Everyone go and get some fresh air. We'll continue later." Susan smiled, "Go on now."

The class dissipated and she took deep breaths to regain her composure. She clenched her fists and closed her eyes, trying to drive thoughts of guilt from her mind. Why did she feel guilty? She didn't kill them. She wasn't really their mother. It wasn't her fault. It was _his_ fault. But who was he?"

"Susan …"

Susan opened her eyes and turned around to see who had spoken to her. She readied herself with a smile and was about to reply when she realized who she was looking at. It was none other than the girl who was both a sister and a child to her. Susan tried to tell herself she was imagining all of this, but Lucy's face seemed so real. She both smiled that same innocent smile, yet her eyes were sad and heartbreaking.

"Susan …" Lucy's haunting voice called, "You haven't forgotten us, have you?"

Susan burst into tears and sobbed with her hand barely muffling her cries. All of a sudden she was wracked with guilt and longing for the ones who had left her. She reached out for Lucy, but she left her just as Peter had all those years ago. Left her alone with her logic and her cold, lonely life.

_**LIVING IS BELIEVING**_

The world had changed around Susan, with new technology becoming part of everyday life. Television was the biggest new thing, and yet Susan had no time for it. She felt as though the world was beyond her. She still felt as though she were stuck in the past.

She remained unmarried and without children. The greatest joy in her life came from teaching children and donating her time to charity and others. She had earned the love and admiration of many, with people often calling her a queen of the people. As much as she enjoyed her life, it was nonetheless unfulfilling. With her years now advancing by like water in a swift stream, she felt the urge to return to her roots. To return home to her past.

She said her goodbyes to all her friends and students who had come to love her, for she was not sure when she would return. She packed her bags and made the trip back to England and her old home in Finchley. The trip had been a long and difficult one, yet it had given her time to write her memoirs of her time in America. She recalled all the experiences she'd known, and began to realize that perhaps her life had not been as unfulfilling as she thought. In fact, as she read the many cards and letters she had been given after her departure, she found that perhaps her life did have some meaning after all. For she had inspired others to live, to think, and for one particular student, to believe.

'_Miss Pevensie,_

_I am writing you this letter because I do not know if we will ever meet again. You always ask us to challenge ourselves. You ask us never to accept things without first reasoning them in our own minds. You ask us to use logic and to believe in things we can see and touch. You may not have intended it, but because of you, I believe in miracles. I believe in something I cannot see. I believe in hope. Because of you, I am educated enough to provide a future for my family. You know we come from small means. But because of your wisdom and your inspiration, I followed my dreams and now I'm a teacher like you. I may not believe in Centaurs anymore, but I surely believe in miracles and hope. I hope you do too._

_With best wishes and thanks,_

_Angela_'

Susan smiled to herself and for the first time in her life, found a meaning for her life. She kept that letter with her throughout her time in Finchley. She found her hometown had changed too much for her to recognize it now. It wasn't at all what she expected to find. It seemed to lack the innocence of her youth. Technology and the rush of life had taken its place.

She thought often here of her family. She thought of Peter, Edmund, and Lucy. So long ago it seemed, and yet just like yesterday in the same instance. She cried tears again, still of longing, still of the pain of a life they'd never shared with her or she with them.

Her trip was almost over and she found herself feeling an incredible sense of melancholy and despair. She missed her old life more and more. She would think often of the games she would play with her siblings. She'd give anything just to play one more word game with them, even though she knew how much they hated it. And oh what adventures they had. Running around in the forest pretending they were kings and queens.

"Su ..." Edmund's voice echoed in her mind, "Don't you miss us?"

Susan knew her old ghosts would torment her. If they could do so when she was in another country, surely they would do so in the place they all originated. She looked up to see Edmund leaning against a tree in front of her with mischievous smile on his face. Surprisingly, Susan smiled back and did not reason away her apparition. If indeed she was imagining this, she wanted to imagine it just a little longer before she let logic destroy it.

"We miss you, Su." Edmund said with a sad smile, "Come home. Please, Su. Don't forget us."

The words brought tears sharp and sudden to Susan's eyes and she reached out for Edmund. Her grief manifested itself as strong as it did all those decades ago when her family first left her.

"I haven't forgotten you, Ed." Susan cried, "I think about you all, every day."

"But you have, Su." Edmund said turning to walk away, "You've forgotten everything."

Susan ran after Edmund just like she would have done when he was alive. She was ready to spin him around and tell him off right there for saying something so ridiculous. How could he possibly believe she'd forgotten him?

And yet her logic once again got the better of her and she realized she was chasing a memory. Edmund was no longer there. She was alone once more, walking the streets of Finchley for what she believed would be the last time. Coming back had rekindled painful memories, and she dared not return again.

"Step right up, and bare witness to the Just and Magnificence of this creature! Look at him and despair!"

Susan looked up at the circus ringmaster, and realized she'd chased her imaginary Edmund into an open circus. It wasn't nearly as popular as when she was a child. It seemed to smell horrid and not at all inviting. Nothing like she remembered. And yet she looked up and saw something that she did seem to remember. A lion, looking both ragged and dirty, and yet still the most magnificent creature she had ever seen before. She thought back and remembered long ago when she'd seen the lion in New York. Surely this couldn't be the same lion. As she looked at it she felt an anger rise up in her that she couldn't explain. And yet as she looked at the creature, bound and muzzled, she felt an equal amount of shame and guilt. She felt sadness that she could not explain, both from her and from the lion. It seemed to know her. It seemed to feel sorrow for her. But why? How?

Susan walked up to the creature, with onlookers staring at her in disbelief. Before anyone could stop her, she touched her hand to the lion's mane and closed her eyes. For reasons she could not explain, tears began to stream down her face. Before she knew what was happening, she being pulled away by one of the lion's minders. But as she was pulled away, her eyes met the lion's as if waiting for her to say something. Why had she touched the lion? Why did it seem familiar to her? Why did the lion look at her with so much sadness? It seemed to almost be weeping for her, but lion's couldn't do that. It was preposterous to think such a thing.

She was thrown out of the circus, and her belongings came tumbling out of her handbag. She picked herself up and her belongings, when she came upon the letter she'd been sent from her old student, Angela. She read it over and tears again fell from her eyes. For some reason it's meaning opened something in her that had been long dormant; her ability to believe in things she couldn't see. Things that were not logical. Things she'd long forgotten.

"Aslan …" Susan said with eyes wide, as if inspired by a revelation, "Aslan!"

She turned to rush back into the circus but the security guards held her back. After trying fruitlessly she gave up and continued walking the streets. Her mind suddenly filled with images of a life she'd completely forgotten. A life she stopped believing in. She remembered fauns and centaurs, giants and dwarfs. She remembered a castle by the sea, and a lion … a great and magnificent lion.

"Aslan, I believe." Susan cried, tears of joy rushing down her face, "I remember it all!"

She walked along the streets recounting to herself great adventures to stop witches and tyrants. She remembered Mr. Tumnus, Oerius, Prince Caspian, and so many others. She remembered her magnificent brother, King Peter, and King Edmund, and of course, Queen Lucy. A tear filled smile covered her face as she walked aimlessly. Strangers glared at her as if she was mad, ranting about strange creatures and a beautiful land.

"Narnia!" Susan yelled with joy, "It was Narnia!"

And then as quickly as the joy had returned, it began to ebb away. The logic in her began to fight back, but the believer in her would not let it win. And yet her joy did become sadness when she realized it was all so long ago. It was a dream of a life that she'd give anything to live over again. And then she felt the cold harsh rain of Finchley start washing away the warmth of her memories.

She shuddered as she felt the cold rain bring her back to her senses. She rubbed her hands against her arms, feeling like a girl much younger than her body showed. She felt like a lost young woman, and not an old weary one. Her tears were cold and empty, and her heart began to fill with despair.

Then like a shining beacon, she looked up and saw them. All three of them, less than a hundred feet away. Peter, looking as dashing as he always did, with that warm and reassuring smile of his. Edmund and Lucy stood either side of Peter, and all were smiling at Susan. Her tears knew no abate as she stared back at her family. She whispered she was sorry, but her words did not find a voice, for it was drowned in her cold shuddering body. Her heart ached and she reached out for them. They smiled back, as if everything would be ok now, and all three waved and started walking away.

"No!" Susan cried, running faster than her age should have allowed, "Peter! Peter! Wait for me, Peter! Peter, don't leave me! Edmund! Lucy! Don't leave me!"

And yet as fast as she ran, they were always out of reach. She ran and ran, feeling as though something more than just her life depended on it. She ignored the looks of strangers, and continued running. She would not let them go without her again.

"Wait!" Susan cried, despair building within her, "Please, Peter! Don't leave me behind again!"

And then they were gone. All at once Susan felt her heart would break. She fell to her knees and cried out in anguish. She remembered it all, but it had been too late. All those years ago she realized, they'd left her behind because she didn't believe. And now she did … and it was too late.

She fell back on her haunches and realized she was sitting in the middle of a railway track. She heard the loud horn blowing behind her and jumped to her feet. She turned, but it was too late. She felt no pain. She felt nothing. It was over as quickly as it had begun.

And yet she could still see her hands. She could still feel her body, but her body didn't seem to ache at all. In fact, her body felt younger. It even looked younger. It looked the way it did the day they all left her. It was then she realized that she was no longer standing in the middle of a train track. Instead she found herself in the middle of a beautiful field of green.

"Daughter of Eve …" Called a voice from behind Susan.

Susan turned around to see none other than Aslan standing before her. Her heart leapt in joy, and she fell to her knees. She kissed his paw, and began weeping silently.

"Oh, Aslan." Susan cried, burying her face in shame, "Can you ever forgive me?"

"Child, there is nothing to forgive. It is I who let you go, but you found your way home."

"I'm home?" Susan asked, raising her eyes to meet the great lion, "I'm really home?"

"Yes, Susan." Aslan smiled, nuzzling Susan with affection, "Daughter of Eve, you have come home."

"Oh, Aslan!" Susan cried as she hugged him, "Thank you, thank you."

When she finally pulled away from the great lion, he motioned for her to look west. She did so and let out a smile she thought could never exist. There were her family. Peter, Edmund, Lucy. She ran to them as fast as she could, and this time, they did not walk away.

"By jove, Su." Peter cried as he hugged Susan, "What took you so long? We were beginning to think you'd never get here."

"Yeah, Su. We were awfully miserable without you." Edmund smiled, joining in on the hug, "We're so happy you're here."

"We sure did. But now everything's just as it should be and we're all together again." Lucy said with a tear in her eye, "It's so wonderful to have you with us, Su."

"I love you all so very, very much." Susan cried, "And I promise I am never going to leave you ever again. I love all of you."

"We love you too, Su." Peter smiled as he took Susan's hand, "Come on, let's go home."


End file.
